It makes it hard for me to process emotions in real time. It’s as if my brain is trying to protect itself, working in overdrive so I can still function. It makes it hard for me to identify how I really feel about things. Something happens in a TV show, and I cry as if it’s happening to me, suddenly unable to breathe by a fictional plot that is vaguely related to something personal.īut yet, as things are actually happening, it’s still hard for me to feel. One off-hand comment from a friend (combined with too many drinks), and I’m fighting self-harm urges in a public bathroom. A change in dinner plans leaves me sobbing on my bed. Then, it comes out in bursts of emotion, triggered by seemingly “little” things. It comes out in bad thoughts, like, “ I want to kill myself,” a sentence that sometimes (although, thankfully, not recently) runs through my mind, a placeholder for whatever negative emotions I didn’t process that day. For me, this rain can manifest physically through stomachaches and back pain no amount of stretching relieves.